Santana's favorite guitar maker

I noticed a major article in my local paper recently. It was through the Associated Press. It has a large picture of PRS the person holding up a guitar with an insanely figured top. You can imagine that this article has appeared in hundreds of newspapers around the world, maybe even your local paper as well. This is all because we all know how badly PRS needs this kind of free advertising.

The article was all about PRS virtually doubling their sales in just one year. To be more precise, "sales increased from $14 million in 2000 to $21.5 million in 2001". This must be the most amazing feat on record. Can you imagine Microsoft or General Motors doing the same. It would be impossible. It would be a miracle. This is an amazing task I agree. The only problem is that nowhere in the article does it mention that it was all because the introduction of the Santana Korean-made budget models, which PRS does not make at all. They don't even put their name on it. Why do they call it Santana I wonder? I would never think its because Santana owns the company. I think to be fair, the article should have praised that Korean company and their workers for doing such a fine job. How come workers in third world countries never get any credit. Its almost like they are viewed as subhuman or something. Very sad. If they did such a fine job and the Santana budget model is so wonderful, then lets hear it for the people who made them. Why does PRS have to pretend they don't even exist.

You can imagine that the average ignorant reader who plays three chords once a month would be ejaculating over this article and will probably spend several days convincing his "old lady" to allow him to spend a large part of their family savings on a new PRS. "But Honey, you know I always wanted one". "But Honey, you know we need that money to buy furniture for Jesse's room" or "Honey you know the SUV needs new tires". I can just hear it now. People with some insecurity about their self worth or lack of talent would definitely want the great success of PRS to boost their self image. By association they can adopt the PRS image. After all isn't this what sells 90% of all guitars? It was the same situation when I was in grade 6. To be cool was to own at least one Kiss album, so I felt pressured and bought one. For the average baby boomer, owning a PRS today is a must or he is nobody.

The article also goes on to say that PRS has such a following that some hard-core PRS fans actually get the initials "PRS" tattooed on parts of their body. Do you have one of these tattoos anywhere on your body? If you don't, then you better get one quick if you want to be part of the crowd and up to date with the latest trend. I remember the bullies at school would beat everyone up who did not like Kiss. If you were branded as one of these nerds, you were called gay and your banana seat bike was mangled. You had better have your Mom meet you after school or your life was in danger. The PRS situation may be just as bad.

Of course there is no article about PRS without constant mention of Carlos Santana. It seems clear that PRS is Carlos Santana, the two are inseparable. If you are trying to be smart and believe that Santana actually owns the company, you are out to lunch. That is simply not true. Santana is just mesmerized by PRS guitars, that's all. He considers them made in the heavens. That's if they have CNC machines in heaven, I don't know. I guess I will find out eventually. Mr. Santana calls PRS guitars an "accident of God" and the "Ferrari of guitars". With such devotion to these magical guitars you can imagine that Mr. Santana's unrelenting promotion of PRS is of course all free of charge. Again, if you think Santana has an ownership interest in the company, you are dead wrong. I have no idea how you would think that. I feel almost ready to send my own PRS guitar, which I bought many years ago and don't use, to Mr. Santana. He deserves to have it much more than I. Actually, I consider my PRS to be an "accident of God" as well.

Interestingly, if you look around, you will see that everyone who plays in a band and has a few rings in their nose or nipples, plays a PRS. Almost everyone. How can this be possible, I always ask myself. With so many guitars available, why are most of them playing PRS? Every one-hit-wonder or wanaby as well as many old-timer rock stars play PRS. Heck, even my all time favorite guitar hero Alex Lifeson goes gaga over his collection of PRS wonders. This was a shock for me. I would have never thought this about Alex. Its like finding out that the woman you lusted after for years is actually a dude. No wonder ever since Alex Lifeson has been playing PRS guitars he has been making the best music of his entire career. Everywhere you look, players are almost as devoted as Mr. Santana himself but Mr. Santana does lead the pack for sure. He is the shepherd who leads the flock of millions of devotees to PRS heaven. PRS is a religion. If you think that all there is to a PRS is the thick plastic paint over an extremely disfigured top then you have not analyzed the situation correctly PRS is a cult which you must belong to If you think these good and not so good guitar players are paid by PRS to play their guitars, you again are dead wrong. They all pay good money for their PRS guitars and are grateful to belong to the PRS religion. These people are not paid and they are not recruited by PRS as soon as the rings go into their noses. So you better take that thought out of your head right now. These are all devotees of these magical guitars and PRS guitars are completely responsible for all the great guitar playing and music we are currently enjoying.

I am sure that PRS the person is the most surprised and baffled at all this devotion but for some reason he is not the object of worship. Its the PRS image that rules and people worship not the man who owns these initials but PRS the religion. Its the glossy, slick ads and the constant images on MTV that offer power and security to millions. By owning a PRS you will be part of this massive entity, which will empower you and give you a past, a future and a feeling of importance and belonging . Yes, PRS is much more then just a guitar its a social and cultural movement sweeping away thousands of souls all over the world. Did I say souls? Oh no, could it be what I am thinking...? There are forces all around us if we are only perceptive enough to open our eyes.

I just have one question. Where the hell were all these people when PRS the person really needed them. Where were they when PRS the person had an independent business and was making guitars one at a time in his attic (the cave man way) and needed to find buyers and supporters. Where were all the bands? Where were the PRS-admirer discussion websites? Where were the dealers? Where were the newspapers and where were the PRS tattoos, etc.? I heard PRS went out of business a few times and had to work as a repair man at a music store only to get fired for trying to push his own guitars? None of these PRS devotees even cared about the poor guy at the time. Dealers wouldn't even take on his guitars and if they did, they did not sell very fast. If I was PRS the person, I would be deeply hurt and pissed off at all these current devotees. I would have nothing to do with any of these slimeballs. "Fuck You", is what I would say. I would tell them "if you were not there when I needed your support, then take a hike and play a Fender, I won't even sell you a guitar now".

Then again, with this kind of an attitude I deserve to be making guitars one at a time and sell only about one a month.
Just wondering, is there anyone out there with a Zachary tattoo? I would love to see one tattooed on some chicks private parts. Now that would be a turn on.

Anyway, I am just happy that major international newspapers gave PRS the free publicity they deserve and so badly needed, even though the article did leave out a few unimportant details that no one cares about anyway.

I forgot to mention that the article also reports that there is a 9 month waiting list for a new PRS guitar. I feel sorry for any one of you who wants one. I guess you will have to be patient. It took 9 months for your Momma to carry you in her womb, so you can wait 9 month for an "accident of God". Come to think of it, some of us were also "accidents of God", just like PRS. Its interesting how the gestation period of a PRS is precisely the same as that of a human. Its really metaphoric, isn't it? Freaky almost how that works out. I agree, any company that reports a 9 month waiting period for their product definitely needs a one third page promotional article in every major newspaper free of charge. I always said the devil works in mysterious ways.

 

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